I Eat Everyday

Japan has many historic places. One of them is Kawagoe. It is a very nice, calm town.   There are so many historic sites. One of them is Chabudai.   Chabudai is a nice guest house in Kawagoe. There is a small cafe/diner on the first floor. They hold different events every week. One of them is that you become a chef. On Saturday evening, my friend made her debut as a chef. Her cooking is very good. Another friend of ours went there to support her. Many people came as she cooked in the kitchen. Compared to a Western-style kitchen, this kitchen is small and open. She cooked and talked with her customers.                                            Of course, I ordered Kawagoe sake. It was very good. Next time, I would like to try it warm.   We ordered deep-fried pork cutlets and vegetables. For dessert, she made carrot cake with lemon cream cheese frosting.   Thi...

So, again, work drama happened.   It started on Friday. In the morning, the program director called in sick. He wasn’t feeling well because of his treatment. He called in another teacher to cover his morning class. That was that.   The problem was that there wasn’t anyone who could cover his afternoon classes, which he had two. We were asking other teachers to see if they could come in and cover his classes. Nobody was available cause it is last minute. That is understandable.   So, the lady who handles all the documents texted him and asked if he could come in only for the afternoon. In the text, he could come in.   Then, as soon as he came in, he went to the office and asked why she didn’t cancel the classes. Based on my own experience with him, his tone of voice or body language spoke louder than his actual words. He raised his voice at her. He even compared his illness to other people’s illnesses. That we all understand. She was just doing her job and asked him j...

  Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression. Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out.       My first thought of taking my own life came to me when I was driving. At that moment, all I thought to myself was, everything I am feeling; feeling of uselessness, feeling of I am not doing enough, feeling of self-blame, feeling of shame, feeling of responsibilities, feeling of my father's guilt, feeling of my mother's vulnerability, would stop if I were not breathing. I entertained the idea a couple more times. It will start with a thought of what I can do to help my parents. Then it will spiral down; I would think I should have studied things that my father could have used; I should have brought an American investor; I should have done this and that. This spiral thinking will stop at the bottom with one escape. My baby brother (he was 4 or 5) was the one who carried all of ...

Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression. Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out.  In my life, several things trigger emotions in me. When I was a little bit younger, I didn't really notice them or care for them. As I think and analyze more about myself and my surroundings, I have started to notice them. It is fair to say that this process has been happening since 2017. When I was in my teens, I had the "disease to please" everyone (Oprah called it), especially my parents. Like any teenager, I tried to fit in and get good grades. Whose sake? Most likely for the approval of my parents. With my hard work, I got As and Bs on most subjects except English. It is funny. English was my least favorite subject, yet I studied in America, and I use English for my work. Don't give wrong, I liked the praise. Given my surroundings and education at that point, my view of life or anyth...