Supporting my friend

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Japan has many historic places. One of them is Kawagoe. It is a very nice, calm town.   There are so many historic sites. One of them is Chabudai.   Chabudai is a nice guest house in Kawagoe. There is a small cafe/diner on the first floor. They hold different events every week. One of them is that you become a chef. On Saturday evening, my friend made her debut as a chef. Her cooking is very good. Another friend of ours went there to support her. Many people came as she cooked in the kitchen. Compared to a Western-style kitchen, this kitchen is small and open. She cooked and talked with her customers.                                            Of course, I ordered Kawagoe sake. It was very good. Next time, I would like to try it warm.   We ordered deep-fried pork cutlets and vegetables. For dessert, she made carrot cake with lemon cream cheese frosting.   Thi...
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Stress triggers (Part 1)=>went on a tangent

Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression.

Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out. 


In my life, several things trigger emotions in me. When I was a little bit younger, I didn't really notice them or care for them. As I think and analyze more about myself and my surroundings, I have started to notice them. It is fair to say that this process has been happening since 2017.

When I was in my teens, I had the "disease to please" everyone (Oprah called it), especially my parents. Like any teenager, I tried to fit in and get good grades. Whose sake? Most likely for the approval of my parents. With my hard work, I got As and Bs on most subjects except English. It is funny. English was my least favorite subject, yet I studied in America, and I use English for my work. Don't give wrong, I liked the praise. Given my surroundings and education at that point, my view of life or anything was quite limited. Then I carried this disease with me into college, along with what people might think of me.

In college, everything is chaotic, at least in the beginning. For the first few months, I am adjusting and learning new things. Everything was sparkly and new in my 18-year-old eyes. I got into all the classes I liked and worked really hard. I got good grades in some and passed in some. While studying, I never thought about failing a class. However, I was always aware of what people might be thinking about me. I was very self-conscious to the point that it stopped me from talking to a guy I liked in college. Now, I think about my college years, "disease to please" and self-consciousness entangled into a rope that I created for myself. Then, I use that rope to stop myself from trying new things or not really care about what other people might be pleased with. 

Then came the depression (I think). I didn't go to a professional. It is me thinking about my mental state and getting worried about it. Right after I went back home, the Mongolian economy was a mess. Once, a thriving company that my parents built became a black hole for money. The debtors came calling, wanting their money back. This created an unhealthy atmosphere between my parents because they would argue a lot. My mother got depressed so much that she needed to take a step back from the business. Then my father would turn to alcohol. I need to remind you that ALCOHOL IS NEVER GOOD. The routine or scenario was repeated so many times that it affected my mood and my behavior. I would think carefully about what I want to say and when I need to say it. Otherwise, it would definitely upset someone. 

I don't want to end this so suddenly, but it has to be. More in Part 2. 

See you. 

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