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Showing posts with the label disease to please

Trying to be kind?!

  So, I had a flight out of Narita International Airport in a week. Then, I had someone ask a favor to bring some things to an event on the 13th. Based on the information that I received, they said it was food wrapping. So, I assumed it was compact food wrappings, thinking it was not a lot. So, trying to be kind, I said okay. Then the drama began.   They ordered the things they needed. One day, when I got home, there was a giant box full of rice ball packs. I was astonished. There were 1800 pieces in a giant box. I told them it was too big. It was over the size limit that airline companies stated.   So, I told them I needed to purchase a smaller box and pack them tightly so it all fits. So, I did, after consulting with them and deciding on the course of action. Then there were 7 bags left. So, I gave them to the friend of the person who asked the favor.   After everything was packed, he called and asked if I could bring all of it. In that moment, I wrote a rule in my...
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Stress triggers (Part 2) => went on a tangent

  Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression. Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out.       My first thought of taking my own life came to me when I was driving. At that moment, all I thought to myself was, everything I am feeling; feeling of uselessness, feeling of I am not doing enough, feeling of self-blame, feeling of shame, feeling of responsibilities, feeling of my father's guilt, feeling of my mother's vulnerability, would stop if I were not breathing. I entertained the idea a couple more times. It will start with a thought of what I can do to help my parents. Then it will spiral down; I would think I should have studied things that my father could have used; I should have brought an American investor; I should have done this and that. This spiral thinking will stop at the bottom with one escape. My baby brother (he was 4 or 5) was the one who carried all of ...
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Stress triggers (Part 1)=>went on a tangent

Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression. Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out.  In my life, several things trigger emotions in me. When I was a little bit younger, I didn't really notice them or care for them. As I think and analyze more about myself and my surroundings, I have started to notice them. It is fair to say that this process has been happening since 2017. When I was in my teens, I had the "disease to please" everyone (Oprah called it), especially my parents. Like any teenager, I tried to fit in and get good grades. Whose sake? Most likely for the approval of my parents. With my hard work, I got As and Bs on most subjects except English. It is funny. English was my least favorite subject, yet I studied in America, and I use English for my work. Don't give wrong, I liked the praise. Given my surroundings and education at that point, my view of life or anyth...
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