Conquering something....

Internally, I think I am conquering something.

I don’t know what that is yet. I don’t know how to word it yet. Yet, I feel something.
In my life so far, this feeling is not the first. It could be the second or third time. In the beginning, I didn’t pay any attention to it, so I lost it without realizing that I was feeling it. This time around, it feels familiar, yet I don’t have descriptive words for it. Maybe that is the point.
In my life, I was always the eldest one; I still am. In Asian culture, that entails buckets of responsibilities and expectations. I never learned how to complain, to relax, or to feel confident. I have gotten used to a lot of things. I have gotten used to taking care of my family without complaining, like doing the dishes or making sure the laundry was done. I have gotten used to not being heard or thinking I am not smart enough after hearing a criticism when I was heard.
As an adult now, I don’t pity my younger self. It is actually the opposite. I am grateful that I was in the position that I was in when I was younger. That taught me so many things like reading the room, time management, inventory, and how to care.
The journey (I think the word is overused) or growing up wasn’t smooth like anything in life. I mean, the middle chapters of youth are for another time.
Right this second, the word that almost describes what I am feeling is certain.

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